did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Actions speak louder than pants.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
