Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
