But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
did i walk over a car last night?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
