She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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