I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
May the power of my ass compel you!!
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
