Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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