Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I think your dad took our porno
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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