it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
