Are we in a gay sports bar?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
