My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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