I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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