FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
