I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
