one two three fourrrrnication!
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
