I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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