Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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