Don't make out with my wife yet
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
