I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
