NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The chlamydia really affected his face.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
