I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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