go do what you do best...puke behind churches
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
