i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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