I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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