i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
