Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
