His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
