It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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