i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
