Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
