Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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