I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
