but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
