This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
