Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
