I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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