I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
