my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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