...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
