you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
