Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
