I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
