bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Damn victory sex feels great
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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