Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
