My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Randomize
