Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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