1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
