# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
