I cockslap morals
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
