come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
