I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
