im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
