Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
