Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
