You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
