party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
