It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
