No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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