i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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