Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Randomize
