I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
