Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
