Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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