Who wears a wallet chain?!
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
