i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
third nipple confirmed
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize