You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
