Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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