He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
