I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
