mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
