I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
