So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
