You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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