There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
