my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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