i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
