there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
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