i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
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