woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
