Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
