Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
