he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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