i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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