Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
