There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
