I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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