I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
