There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Someone came in the potted fern
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
