belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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