I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
