I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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