My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize