oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
