Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
