awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
