so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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