Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
