I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
