I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
