Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
