I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
