Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
